There are some bodily things that are common sense to most of us. We regularly brush our teeth; we try to eat healthy; we put on sunscreen. Most responsible adult people care to maintain their body to at least some degree. Or do they?
Mr. Marlboro man got mugged one night and kicked in the groin multiple times. Naturally, he came to the hospital for some much needed assistance and got sent home with a strong painkiller. Several days later, he noticed a growing black spot on his groin. But he waited. And waited. And by the time he came in, he had flesh eating-bateria that had devoured most of his scrotum and leg. Sounds fun huh?
Now let's ask the jury: would you sit on a growing black necrotic spot? OR think to yourself "maybe I should go back and get this checked out?" As much fun as flesh-eating bacteria is, I would opt for the hospital and saving essential body parts. But that's just me.
Mrs. G developed a tumor on her abdomen. But because the thought of having cancer was so horrendous to her, she decided she would ignore it and put it out of her mind. She successfully tricked her consciousness to believe that she didn't have a tumor. So by the time she came in, it was the size of a watermelon and terminal.
As good as I would look in a swimsuit and as much as I would like to give myself a psych disorder, I think I would opt for tumor removal at my earliest convenience. Just sayin.
Let's just call him David. David went to a rap concert and of course had to get high and drunk because apparently it's no fun sober. So he smoked and drank and, surprisingly enough, fell down a flight of very concrete stairs. As a total buzzkill, the paramedics brought him in and we evaluated him for a head injury. He wouldn't let us call his parents and we couldn't legally without his permission. So I was stuck babysitting a drunk kid.
But in walks his visitor. His "girlfriend" fell asleep in a chair in the ER and someone brought her up. It's the middle of the night, she's in high school, and she's wearing no shoes.
Let's stop on the no-shoes thing for a minute. Do you realize how many people have spit, puked, peed, pooped, spilled, rubbed a communicable disease on, or had a baby on those floors? A LOT. AND YOUR FEET ARE TOUCHING THAT. I would not, over my dead body, sit, sleep, or let my child roll around on that floor. Just take yourself down to the ER and ask them to burn the first layer off your skin.
Continuing on. Marcie walks in with no shoes. Her dress is so short I can see way too much on both ends and her makeup is stained down her face from crying and sleeping. In short, she's a hot mess. I sit her down, get her a blanket to cover herself up before a drunk patient tries to hit on her, and try to get the details.
"So is this your boyfriend?"
"Well we've gone out a couple times"
"Why don't you go home, take a shower, and come back later on in the morning?"
"I don't know where my car is."
"You don't know where his house is?"
"No, I don't remember."
"Ok well let's call your mom and get her to come pick you up"
"They don't care. I'll call them in the morning"
"I'm sure they won't mind coming to get you, considering the circumstances."
"It's alright."
So homegirl has no car, no food, no parents who want to pick her up even though she's still in high school and obviously doesn't know the meaning of "high standards". I let her borrow some hospital pants and give her a dollar for the vending machine. And I refrained from saying "don't stay with this loser! Go to college and get a boyfriend who isn't high and clumsy!" And get out of here before someone draws your blood for a tox screen too.
Ms. Collins had some decaying, loose teeth at home. But she didn't have time to get them fixed. So she superglued them in. And she thought that was a good idea at the time. But then she got in a car wreck and they fell out. The daughter wanted to know if she could get free dentures since she was in the hospital! Negative ma'am. This is what your tax dollars go to, people.
I don't even have time to talk about all the people who get an infected tooth, sit on it, and end up with a giant infection over their entire face that has to be cut out with multiple following plastic surgeries. Or the diabetics who one day notice their foot is green or black and get really pissed when you tell them it has to come off. Or my 450 lb patient who sat and ate a bucket of butter popcorn and bossed me around all day. I'm sorry I'm inconveniencing you when I just broke my back trying to pull you up in bed.
I'm not trying to sound insensitive. It's my comic way of showing that not all of the world has the same standards of hygiene or healthcare. I'm not saying you have to floss everyday but let's make a collective effort to prevent blackened body parts. Is that asking too much from the general public?
Thank you to all of your who do actually floss, brush your teeth, see a dentist, see a doctor, take your insulin, eat healthy, work out, avoid dirty needles, get vaccinations, make good life decisions, and don't sleep with shady people. Your contribution to society is duly noted.
