The scenario goes like this:

Stupid kid goes to the bar with his buddies, has not one, but twelve too many. Starts a ruckus of some kind, probably swinging punches at the guy who unfortunately happened to glance in the direction of this guy's girl while he was looking for the score of the game. Fight breaks out, police jump into action and stupid drunk kid is so out of it that he starts to lose his airway and EMS has to come. Intubated for low GCS (Glascow Coma Scale- determines level of consciousness) and combativeness. Comes to the ICU for...no reason... except that he's a jackass.

...No matter that actually sick people need the beds when you decided to let all those bottled up emotions out at one time. Hope you got it out of your system. Next time try the gym..

Anyways, mom comes in hysterical, crying and pacing while asking questions in incomplete sentences. The doctor tells her that though her son is unconscious right now due to his blood alcohol level, he will wake up and will be extubated (breathing tube removed) with, most likely, no problems. Mom starts to pick up that there's nothing wrong with him and calms down.

The next morning, now just stupid hung over kid, wakes up and flips out, trying to pull out his endotracheal tube. By now he's following commands and is with it enough to pull the tube. The doctor comes to the bedside and the respiratory therapist extubates him.

Here's the great part. Mom comes back to the bedside and the first thing out of her mouth is "I'm gonna whoop your ass!" To your tremendous surprise, parents don't like paying for an unnecessary hospital stay for a diagnosis of immaturity and impulsivity. Mom lectures said stupid kid about how he's coming home with HER this time and "there ain't gonna be no more of this bullcrap" Or almost as likely, the equivalent of this conversation in spanish complete with grandiose hand gestures including pointing and "A Dios mio" every once and while.

After extubation, now stupid whiny kid complains about everything from the temperature in the room to his throat hurting to why can't he sign himself out now and leave.

ME: "Yeah your throat is going to hurt. You had a tube down it for 24 hours. It will go away. Here's some meds"
ME: "You can leave AMA (against medical advice)" (You are thinking to yourself "knock yourself out, sign the paper and get out of my face") You actually say, "It's better that you stay here until the doctors are ready to discharge you. You were very drunk"
SWK (stupid whiny kid): "Like why do I gotta be here? Don't touch me. Ooooooowwwwwwwwwwww.
ME: "Sorry, all I did was lower your bed"
SWK: "Yeah but you did it too fast. Can't you be more considerate?"

And this goes on all day. I didn't go through four years of school to be your babysitter or your personal assistant or someone for you to bitch at. Let's start a new chapter of your life entitled "Actions have Consequences".

I realize this sounds very cynical and sarcastic. It's a coping mechanism and it's pretty funny to me honestly when I think about what some of these crazy people do. But in reality, I do care about their life and I want them to make better choices. Sometimes it's better to lay it all out for them and set them straight. Being super nice doesn't work most of the time. Setting limits does. Not letting patients bully you around does. Otherwise I'll get taken advantage of and they might not ever have someone get in their face about the reality of their life.

Most of these people don't have an education. They've never been taught better or didn't have any good examples to follow. This is what they saw growing up and unfortunately, it's what most of their kids will end up doing. It's a cycle of ignorance and poor choices. So if stupid drunk, hung over, whiny kid wakes up to the fact that the next time he comes in, it might be in a plastic bag, then maybe it was worth it for him to take up that bed overnight.

It's much more tragic when mom doesn't come in and yell at stupid kid but stares at him with apathy. Or she doesn't come at all. But at the end of the day this kid will go home and back to his normal life. Hopefully somewhat wiser and less rambunctious.

"Nurse?" (Because there are only two pronouns in the hospital: Nurse and Doctor, despite the fact that thousands of people work there)
"Yep. What's up?"
"So I can still drink right?...."

Oh dear goodness. Square one. Here we are, standing on it.