Modern Families

Everyone complains about their family. Everyone has an eccentric aunt or a controlling mother or a passive father. We all know that no one, despite how nice it may look from the outside, has the "perfect" family. But regardless of all the quirks and annoyances and sometimes even deeply rooted hurts, most people would go to bat for their family without question. (Did you catch the Rangers reference....ok we can continue).

We see people at their worst moment; the night they got that phone call they've been dreading all their life. And while my job is to take care of the patient, it would be devastating to ignore the family members who make up a vital part of every patient's life. Family means a connection, something invariably permanent, that supercedes old regrets or arguments. And when something threatens the existence of the family, people completely forget why they have been mad the past 5 years or even that they got divorced 20 years ago.

I've seen ex-wives show up at the bedside for husbands who cheated and left them long ago. I've seen estranged children fly halfway across the country, forsaking even their own families, to hold the hand of a father who never could get it right. The mistakes don't seem to matter when you realize it might be the last time you look upon their living face or say some last words.

I had a patient the other day who had cancer and an extensive surgery to remove tumors. This patient continued to get more and more sick and her sister sat vigilantly at the bedside. Her sister refused to leave, partially because she was so worried, and partially because she had no where to go. She was from out of town and had no car and little money. A dire situation, I think we would all agree.

Because I was hanging blood, giving fluid boluses, and trying to figure out why this patient was declining, I wasn't able to attend to the sister, who sat weeping with her face in her hands. We had someone else come talk to her and try to answer her questions.

After my shift was over, I was walking out and saw the sister, staring at her phone as if she was wishing for a miracle from it. I sat down next to her and we talked for a while. I told her I would be praying for sister because I believe the Lord can heal and do miraculous things. Her sister divulged some of the weighty details of their family situation and I felt so much compassion for her, as she was literally at the end of her rope. She joked that she hadn't even brushed her teeth in a day and I gave her a pack of gum. It was all I had but we laughed that at least it was something.

It was a small encounter but I left that day feeling like I had a connection to this family. This all may sound cheesy but it's vividly true. I care about a family I don't even have yet! I pray for my husband and the little children hopefully I will have. Sometimes I feel like I can see their faces, from a distance. Crazy what you feel, even for an imaginary family :) Or maybe I'm just the crazy one.

I feel like I'm getting a little sappy because I'm having a lonely day so I'll wrap it up. Love on people! Christ gives us no greater calling. Love is the greatest of all the commandments. The End.

Out of the morphine the mouth speaks.

These are actual conversations I've had lately...

Me: "What happened? How did you get stabbed?"

Patient: "Well, I wuz tryin to break up the fight and I got stabbed, caught in da crossfire".

Me: "Hmm. Well this house arrest ankle bracelet does make me wonder whether you're telling me the truth or not"

Pt: "That wuz a mistake too!"

Dad comes in later with the charger for the house arrest bracelet. Because obviously you have accessories for those things.

Me: "Sir you can't use that because it's not an approved device"

Pt's dad:" But see if we don't the police come and get real mad! It mean big trouble!"

Me: "Ok sir. But I'm pretty sure they've figured out by now that he's not at home anymore..."

Me: "Sir do you remember what happened to you? Do you remember how you got hurt?"

Pt (clearly dopped up on morphine and speaking in slurs): " I got bit by an alligator"

Me: "Actually it was a zebra, sir."

Pt (throws his hands up): "Ah, Same difference.."

(He actually did have to have his leg amputated because his friends pet zebra bit it off. ??)

Pt (precious elderly gentleman with a head injury who thought we were still in 1954 and looked exactly like the old guy from Up): "Can I give you a kiss?"

Me: "No silly! This is the hospital and I'm your nurse"

Pt: Look of shock. Clearly does not understand the situation, nonetheless the decade.

Me: "Did you think you were at a bar and you were picking up girls?"

Pt:"Yes!"

Pt (high on who knows what and so drunk he got a facilitated trip to the hospital): expletive you. expletive this whole place. you expletive expletive". Charming.

Me: Don't use that kind of language around here, especially in front of women!"

Pt: "You guys are women?"

Me: "Buddy do you know where you are or what happened to you?"

Pt: "This is the worst drug trip ever!"

Me: "You cannot get out of bed. You are on narcotics and it's very dangerous because you might fall".

Pt: grunts as if he understands.

Later

Me: "Sir you cannot get out of bed! I understand you can't pee laying down but do not put your two feet on the ground".

Pt: grunts, as if he gives a crap what I'm saying

A bit later.

Me: "Ok listen buddy. This is the last time I'm going to tell you. DON'T get out of bed or there will be consequences" (in my best mom voice)

A little more later.

Catch the pt in the act. Standing up beside the bed and looks at me as if daring me to yell at him.

Me: "It is 5 in the morning and I've had it! YOU ARE DISRESPECTING ME, THIS HOSPITAL, AND EVERYONE WHO IS TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU. IF YOU FALL, IT'S GOING TO BE ME THAT GETS SUED AND YOU WHO GETS HURT. NOW GET BACK IN BED RIGHT NOW. GOT IT??"

PT: " yes maam"

Winner. Personal victory for achieving a new level of intimidation.

This is by far the most entertaining aspect of my job. You just never know what you're walking into every morning. That's why it's entertaining.